Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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