my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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