I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
