I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
