He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize