She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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