He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
