we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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