I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
