And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
