I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
