I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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