Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize