So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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