The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
