How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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