Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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