the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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