Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
