it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
