I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
