God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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