you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
