I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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