Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
even my farts smell like vagina
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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