he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
