yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
