Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
