after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
