It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
