Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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