Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize