where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
