if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
