I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
even my farts smell like vagina
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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