My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize