please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
