you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize