Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
