Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
