how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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