Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
