My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
