Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
