Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
