Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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