Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
