i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
