I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
