Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
