I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
