I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
