Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
