the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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