You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The beer is more important than you right now.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize