when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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