so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
