Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
im on a boat
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