my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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