The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There r osticjed everywhere
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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