Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
