I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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