so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
