I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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