i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
