I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
