I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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