is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
