So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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