Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I deserve this hangover.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
