Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
