We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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