the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
