one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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