I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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