They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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