I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
