She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize