We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
