Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
