They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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